"Children increase the cares and worries of life, but they mitigate the remembrance of death." F. Bacon
Our law firm is, unfortunately, approached far more often than we would like by clients who wish to divorce, or who are already divorced but have not reached a "common denominator" on certain important issues. Some people, of course, quarrel and, without much thought, file for divorce under the influence of strong emotion — a fundamentally wrong approach to so important a decision. Since our lawyers are not only professional and experienced practitioners but also attentive observers of the human situation before them, they generally advise their clients first to calm down and think everything through carefully — and only once the decision remains unchanged after sufficient reflection, to begin gathering the information needed to prepare for the fairly lengthy and costly divorce procedure.
The main stages of divorce in Germany are as follows:
1. The main proceedings (Hauptverfahren), which result in the decision on the divorce itself.
2. The consolidated divorce proceedings (Scheidungsverbund), in the course of which the rights to the children, the amount and manner of maintenance payments (for both the child and a non-working spouse), and the division of property and pension entitlements are determined.
In Germany, a marriage can be dissolved only through the Family Court (Familiengericht). The spouses are considered divorced from the moment the court's decision becomes legally final, once the deadlines for appealing the divorce ruling have expired.
Under German law, spouses must live apart for at least one year to obtain an official divorce. The period of separation is not interrupted if the spouses attempt a brief reconciliation that does not last long. To formally establish the spouses' separation (Getrenntleben), a declaration must be filed with the relevant administrative authority, where the fact of the separation is recorded and entered into the corresponding database.
It is worth noting that living apart is possible either in separate flats or under one roof. Many are unaware that actually moving to different places is not strictly necessary for this. If moving out of a shared home is not possible, the living areas within that shared home must be divided as far as is possible in each particular situation.
As for the child, both parents theoretically hold entirely equal parental rights (and corresponding obligations). A child may therefore either live with the mother and receive maintenance from the father, or live with the father and receive maintenance from the mother. In practice, however, most often (though far from always), owing to society's established value and economic structures, children remain with their mothers after a divorce — all the more so where young children are involved. The amount of child maintenance is set by the Youth Welfare Office (Jugendamt) in accordance with the current Düsseldorf Table (Düsseldorfer Tabelle), which serves as a benchmark for determining child support payments. Where a mother, after the divorce, takes the child and moves to another country, the amount of maintenance payable by the father is determined taking into account the cost of living in that particular country. In this article, we describe how, through the efforts of our firm's lawyer, we were able to help our client, a single mother, through her divorce, and how we helped her secure decent maintenance for her three-year-old daughter.
Marina (name changed) came to us from a small town in the Moscow region, hoping we could help her find a solution to a problem that was fairly commonplace, yet pressing for her. The young woman had met her future husband, let's call him Oleg, back when they were both students. She still remembers that happy period of her life with a wistful smile — and she has much to remember: Oleg was very good-looking, masculine, and well built. To a young woman at the time, he seemed the most wonderful man in the world. He also came across as very reliable and responsible, and, on top of everything else, he knew how to court her with remarkable charm. The couple's romantic early phase lasted quite a while; they spent a great deal of time together, went to clubs and restaurants, and traveled together. Financial worries were not an issue back then — Oleg came from a very well-off family and had been earning good money on his own since his second year at university. By the time it came to a marriage proposal, Marina had not the slightest doubt: she loved her young man to distraction, her parents and friends were unreservedly in favor, and, with no lengthy deliberation or "trial period," the young couple held a romantic wedding at one of Moscow's well-known restaurants.
Life did not stand still, and it soon presented the young couple with new opportunities. The young husband was offered a position at his company's Berlin office. There was little need to think it over — the pay and working conditions exceeded even his boldest expectations. The happy couple sorted out the paperwork, packed their bags, and moved from the Russian capital to the German one. At first, everything went very well — an interesting new job, a spacious flat in the city center, and the happy news that the young family would soon be growing. But nothing in this world lasts forever; life moves on, and circumstances change. After their daughter was born, problems and misunderstandings began between the spouses. Oleg spent less and less time at home; Marina made emotional scenes trying to sort things out, which only made the already tense situation worse. Unfortunately, the two partners, still fairly young and inexperienced in married life, had not yet learned to accept certain things, to compromise, or to negotiate constructively. The passion that had once marked their relationship in its earlier stages gradually faded, while the wisdom needed to settle family disputes, and genuine mutual understanding between the spouses, had not yet developed.
When it became clear that continuing to live together in the same flat threatened not only the couple's own emotional stability but could also affect their small daughter, Marina made the resolute decision to return to Russia, to her parents. She naturally wanted to take their eighteen-month-old daughter with her. It should be noted that Oleg did not strongly object — he was thoroughly worn out by the ongoing arguments and confrontations with his wife, and had also not yet grown accustomed to having a small child in his life, which he associated more with constant stress and strain than with positive emotions. The spouses notified the relevant administrative authority that they had begun living apart, Marina scooped up the child, bought a plane ticket, and flew to Moscow to live for a while with her parents outside the city, until she could work out what to do next. Some time later, the young woman came to our law firm and entrusted us with representing her interests in the divorce proceedings in Germany, as well as in arranging maintenance for her minor child.
Setting aside the sad circumstances, and recognizing that the broken vase in this case could hardly be glued back together, our firm's lawyer, who specializes in family law, immediately set to work. He represented our client's interests from the very start through to the full conclusion of the divorce proceedings. The lawyer submitted a comprehensive set of documents to the family court as required for the divorce, including proof of the spouses' long-standing separation. He also filed the corresponding application with the Jugendamt and successfully obtained a decision requiring the father to pay maintenance for the minor child in accordance with the Düsseldorf Table, taking into account that the child was permanently living with her mother in Russia. The maintenance amount was thus calculated taking into account the actual needs of a girl living in another country. In addition, while representing Marina's interests, we also reached an agreement with Oleg on the arrangements and frequency of his visits with their daughter. From a legal standpoint, the case was concluded entirely successfully — the divorce was finalized, the documents were issued, and a maintenance agreement was reached. Should any difficulties or friction arise, of course, in the former husband's fulfillment of his obligations, we will continue to represent our client's interests going forward, resolving any problems as they arise.
From our firm's practice
Our law firm is, unfortunately, approached far more often than we would like by clients who wish to divorce, or who are already divorced but have not reached a "common denominator" on certain important issues.
Our readers will surely agree that this story can hardly be called one with a happy ending. Yet even in a situation such as this, where a family's happiness and wellbeing depends on no one but the spouses themselves, we helped our client correctly complete all the legal formalities, settle the financial questions, and spared her the need to personally engage in negotiations that were emotionally taxing for her, leaving that task instead to a qualified lawyer, a true professional with many years of experience.
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